Peter Hill-Woods Open Letter to R+W

Dear Communists,

                                I have read, with great interest, your open letter which you propitiously released to the Penny Dreadful’s, and I feel I must reply, while at the same time informing our loyal supporters, exactly what kind of treacherous, underhand snakes in the grass you and your ilk really are.

Before replying to the points you raise, may I first refer to your unfortunate choice of the name Red and White Holdings.  Do you honestly think that we cannot see through the allusion of an unholy alliance between Bolsheviks and Mensheviks that your choice of name implies?  You remember I trust the first time we met at my club in Leicester Square where Bunty introduced us all and I covered your unfortunate gaffe at ordering “sherry for everyone” at 11 am?  I stood up for you then and gave you a chance which unfortunately is to my eternal regret.  I do however apologize for my behaviour later that night when I suggested you take your filthy roubles to the scum down the road; I was unfortunately, in my cups!

You refer in your letter to terms such as “non-dividend equity”, now these terms may be fine for your late night meetings with Comrade Stalin, but this is England sir, and we will ne’er broach such atheism in this church.  We have constructed a fine theatre for the enjoyment of the beautiful game and I assure you that when our noble and loyal supporters raise a glass of punch and cheerily shout “Huzzah” it foremost gladdens the heart and we spare nary a thought for filthy lucre.  It is you sir that are obsessed by the rattle of a few kopecks in your vulgar tin.

On the question of our shares that were acquired by the American, I would presume that any etiquette, regardless of nationality, would forbid public discussion of money.  That kind of talk is for accountant’s sir, and not for gentlemen!  I will only comment that my earnings will barely cover my expenses for Glorious Goodwood!

Regarding the team and your, frankly scurrilous, allegation of the boards lack of investment, I would point out to you sir that we have already spent in excess of 20,000 guineas on new players to strengthen the squad, and we will have the likes of young Wilshire, Ted Drake and that Irish chappie Stapleham coming back from injury.  The loss of van Nistleroy will hurt us sore and I quite liked that young man, he’s Dutch you know, but no player is bigger than the club.  If he chooses to play for one of those dreadful noveau riche clubs like Doncaster Rovers then frankly good riddance I say.

Lastly I would beg you to think of our young supporters, back from hols to Eton and Rugby, spare them derision in the tuck shop.  Let’s get behind our brave boys and our great manager Mr Graham.  Let this be a season to remember for the boys in red and white.  Let us once again finish higher than the filth.

Sincerely

Peter Hill-Wood Chairman

Ps I get the Red + White name now.  Sorry!