Arsene Blackadder and the False 9

The Arsenal dressing room, empty except for the assistant coach, Steve Baldrick, he is busy stuffing the players clothes into a wheeled hamper clearly marked “Kit Only”.  Enter the manager, Arsene Blackadder, who promptly kicks a chair across the room.

Baldrick

Good win then Mr B?

Blackadder

Yes Baldrick, if you’re talking about the “who can concede the stupidest goal competition” then we won hands down.  The football match however, we lost 5-0!

Baldrick

Oh! Bugger.

Blackadder

Bugger indeed, and now I have to go and face the esteemed gentlemen of the press, who know as much about football as Sir Alex Ferguson knows about magnanimity.

Baldrick

Well I don’t know much about Magnum Mini’s myself but I’ll face the press if you like?

Blackadder

The only press I’d let you face Baldrick, is my trouser press, and then if it was set to extra hot and you had your tackle out!

Baldrick

Suit yourself.

A commotion is heard outside; enter the club captain, George Hill-Wood.

George

With a hip and a hip and a bally hooorah!  I say boss we soon showed them what’s what eh?

Blackadder

We lost George.

George

Only just boss, only just.  If the Umpire hadn’t ruled out my try when I went over in the corner, we’d have kicked the conversion and then sucks to you, you Chelsea upstarts!

Blackadder

We were playing Fulham, George.

George

Nevertheless our supporters were magnificent today.  Why as I was leaving the pitch one shouted “Hill-Wood you are an Arsenal legend”

Blackadder

Yes George, I think you’ll find he shouted “Hill-Wood you are an arse, leg end”

George

Oh I see.  Anyway what did you think of the performance overall?

Blackadder

Well let’s see.  Our tactics were as incisive and intelligent as a piece of Robbie Savage punditry.  And our overall strategy was as well thought out as the marketing strategy of a man selling “Tottenham Champions of England” t-shirts!  Other than that we weren’t too bad.

George

Well hurrah!  Let’s all upstairs and tell Uncle!

Blackadder

What, are you mad?  The last person I want to see now is the Chairman.

George

He wants to see us straight away, I expect he wants to congratulate us on today’s performance.

Blackadder

I’m dead!

The Chairman’s cavernous office.  The trio are greeted by the CEO Ivan Darling, who has a self satisfied smirk on his face!

Blackadder

Problem Darling?

Darling

Smile all you want Blackadder, but Lord Hill-Wood saw that travesty today, your days are numbered!

Blackadder

Given that Lord Hill-Wood is as close to football as the ball is to the pitch at the Britannia Stadium during a Stoke City attack, I feel pretty safe.

Darling

We’ll see, Blackadder.  We’ll see.

Arsenal’s esteemed Chairman Lord Peter Hill-Wood enters and takes his seat behind his enormous desk.

George

What ho Uncle!  Good innings by the chaps today, eh?

Lord PHW

Shut up you feeble minded arse.  Blackadder what was the meaning of that absolute pile of shit out there today?  Explain yourself man, why was Van Persie not brought on?

Blackadder

Well two reasons my Lord; he has a slight ankle knock although it’s nothing serious...

Lord PHW

I don’t see how that would prevent him doing a job against Fulham, the other reason?

Blackadder

We sold him to Man Utd.

Lord PHW

God’s bollocks!! Are you mad Sir?  What blithering idiot sanctioned that?

Blackadder

Over to you Darling.

Darling

But...but....my Lord, when he wanted more money you told me to flog him to Man U!

Lord PHW

I said “You man, flog him!” you arse, give him a good thrashing, and beat some sense into him, honestly Darling!  Come on Blackadder, what options have we left attacking wise?

Blackadder

Well attacking wise, my Lord, we have a small, fat, wheezy Russian, a mad Moroccan pipe smoker and a North Korean attacker so ineffectual at attacking that he was turned down by the North Korean army, specifically their suicide squad.

Lord PHW

Damn it Blackadder we have very little money to spend on new players, you know how obsessed the American is at cutting down costs.  The annual Christmas dinner is coming up we need to get rid of more of the fringe players.  Cut the wage bill.

Blackadder

Actually my Lord, the PFA have been protesting about our treatment of the lesser squad members.

Lord PHW

Specifically?

Blackadder

Specifically, us eating them at the annual Christmas dinner.

Lord PHW

Damn their eyes the interfering busybodies, I’ll never forget the problems they gave me over that Samir Nasri situation.

Blackadder

Well you were riding him out to hounds my Lord.

Lord PHW

Yes damn it, well think of something what do I pay you for?

George

I say, Uncle why don’t we employ a false 9, they’re all the rage on the Continent I believe.

Lord PHW

Tell me more George, what’s a false 9?

George

Well, the chap at silly mid-off slips behind the scrum half and then, no, hang on that’s not it.

Blackadder

Might I interject my Lord, but a false 9 requires a player of extraordinary skill with an acute positional sense...

Baldrick

Might I eject my Lord, for I have a cunning plan!

Blackadder

If you will, my Lord, consider that Baldrick’s last cunning plan was “let’s sign that Squillachi bloke he looks like he can defend a bit”, I’d take it with a pinch of salt if I were you.

Lord PHW

Damn it don’t be so negative Blackadder, let’s hear what the little maggot has to say, come on out with it man.

Baldrick

Well, when we’re going forward we commit all our players to the attack, and then just when the attack looks like it’s breaking down...

Blackadder

Don’t listen my Lord I beseech you..

Baldrick

We send up our number 6 and just at the last second, he jumps up and stands on his head.  Thus making his number 6 into a false 9!!

Lord PHW

Excellent idea, you see Blackadder this is exactly the forward thinking we need at this club.  Come on Darling we’re leaving!

Lord Hill-Wood and Ivan Darling exit, leaving Blackadder in a contemplative and morose state...

Blackadder

How has it all come to this?  I’ve been in this game too long now, I cut my managerial teeth at Monaco where I developed young players who the second they worked out how to kick a ball, sodded off elsewhere for more cash.  I suffered the ignominy of having to move to Japan to manage a team sponsored by some bloke who’d invented a digital kettle, and then against all the odds I landed this job.  I built Arsenal into a successful side that were the envy of Europe, brought loads of trophies and moved to a brand new state of the art stadium.  Alas I can do no more.  The club must come first.  So I’m going to announce....that Diaby is a new signing and give myself a flipping huge pay rise!

George

Hooorah!

The Captain - Robin Van Persie's Last Programme Notes!

Credit for this piece (or blame if you don’t like it) has to go to Andrew Allen whose tweet from yesterday gave me the idea.  Of course should Robin stay and sign a new contract I will be suitably chastened and contrite.

Pre-season Has Left Me Fit And Ready To Go!

Cologne last week was terrific, not just the match itself but the training sessions, especially after my slightly disappointing summer.  Steve Bould certainly put us through the wringer and there were a lot of sore, tired bodies out there.  Our new signings are worthy additions to the club and I feel that they are going to contribute to us having a fantastic season.  I’ve been particularly impressed with Lukas Podolski and I can tell you that when he hits a ball it stays hit, what a shot the man has.  I look forward to both of us getting a hatful of goals in the coming months, in fact I can see us both fighting over who gets to take the penalties!

The Boss has outlined our targets for the coming season and we will be competing 100% for every competition, but the Premiership will of course be our top priority, still some silverware for our efforts will be very welcome.

Today’s opponents, Sunderland, are a very good side who defend very well and we will not be taking them for granted.  As we saw last season their strengths are ........hang on a sec, that’s the phone, I have to get this...

Focus Will Be All Important In These Early Games.

Woo hoo!....Yes ...yes!    fucking yes!  Get in there!....Sorry that was my, er, dry cleaners, my favourite silk shirt is cleaned and ready to pick up.  It’s a Ralph Laurent one that I bought this summer in Turin, when I was er sightseeing there.  Yes magnificent Turin with its lovely church and that other big yoke, you know what I mean.  Anyway I do love that shirt, in fact I’ve even been known to kiss the little polo symbol on it, I love it that much.  However, should I see an equally nice shirt, say by Lacoste, that doesn’t mean that I can’t buy that one as well does it?  It doesn’t make me a bad person does it?  It’s just a shirt after all, yes a shirt, get a grip people.  Anyway what was I talking about?  Oh yes Sunderland...

3 Points Are The Priority.

Sunderland is of course in the North of England.  Is the weather up there as bad as people make out?  I mean these things are always exaggerated aren’t they?  It’s grim up north!!  Ha ha, oh God, is it grim?  I mean I’m just thinking about those people that have to live there; their heating bills must be outrageous.  Still they wouldn’t be, like tens of thousand pounds a week would they?  You’d have the problem of burst pipes in winter as well to contend with.  You would have to know a good plumber, I must remember that.  I mean in case I’m ever asked for my opinion on the subject.

It’s Important To Get Off To A Good Start.

Autumn is a crucial time in the Premiership.  It’s when you start to build up a momentum to carry you through the season.  Falling behind in this critical time means you are playing catch-up, and that becomes harder and harder every year.  And more boring.

I can’t think of autumn without thinking of leaves, yes leaves.  Funny word that, leaves.  And leaves are funny things aren’t they?  They wither and die and are replaced.  The trees aren’t bitter about the leaves, the leaves they’ve lost, they don’t go on twitter and abuse their leaves, no they know that it’s the natural order of things.  Trees move on, unlike people.  God what am I waffling on about, hee hee!  Must be the champagne talking, not that I’m drinking champagne, why should I be?  I meant Lucozade.

The Back Four Has Never Looked So Solid.

Credit for this of course must go to the excellent work being done by Steve Bould.  He has imparted a solidity and confidence to the whole defensive unit and.....OMG!!  I’m hearing that Alex Song is going to Barcelona.  I can’t believe this, honestly I’m in shock.  This is not going to go down well with you fans.  You should really hate him for this.  I mean really, really hate him.  In fact here’s his home phone number (the club does not give out such information – Ed).  This is a stab in the back to those of you who have supported him through the years, remember this treachery, and Nasri and Cesc.  Traitors they are to a man, remember this, focus needs to be on them now, on them.

Anyway, onwards and upwards, forward is the direction, the only direction, here’s to 3 points against Everton and getting off to a winning start.

Remember that I am and always will be a Goner!!

Peter Hill-Woods Open Letter to R+W

Dear Communists,

                                I have read, with great interest, your open letter which you propitiously released to the Penny Dreadful’s, and I feel I must reply, while at the same time informing our loyal supporters, exactly what kind of treacherous, underhand snakes in the grass you and your ilk really are.

Before replying to the points you raise, may I first refer to your unfortunate choice of the name Red and White Holdings.  Do you honestly think that we cannot see through the allusion of an unholy alliance between Bolsheviks and Mensheviks that your choice of name implies?  You remember I trust the first time we met at my club in Leicester Square where Bunty introduced us all and I covered your unfortunate gaffe at ordering “sherry for everyone” at 11 am?  I stood up for you then and gave you a chance which unfortunately is to my eternal regret.  I do however apologize for my behaviour later that night when I suggested you take your filthy roubles to the scum down the road; I was unfortunately, in my cups!

You refer in your letter to terms such as “non-dividend equity”, now these terms may be fine for your late night meetings with Comrade Stalin, but this is England sir, and we will ne’er broach such atheism in this church.  We have constructed a fine theatre for the enjoyment of the beautiful game and I assure you that when our noble and loyal supporters raise a glass of punch and cheerily shout “Huzzah” it foremost gladdens the heart and we spare nary a thought for filthy lucre.  It is you sir that are obsessed by the rattle of a few kopecks in your vulgar tin.

On the question of our shares that were acquired by the American, I would presume that any etiquette, regardless of nationality, would forbid public discussion of money.  That kind of talk is for accountant’s sir, and not for gentlemen!  I will only comment that my earnings will barely cover my expenses for Glorious Goodwood!

Regarding the team and your, frankly scurrilous, allegation of the boards lack of investment, I would point out to you sir that we have already spent in excess of 20,000 guineas on new players to strengthen the squad, and we will have the likes of young Wilshire, Ted Drake and that Irish chappie Stapleham coming back from injury.  The loss of van Nistleroy will hurt us sore and I quite liked that young man, he’s Dutch you know, but no player is bigger than the club.  If he chooses to play for one of those dreadful noveau riche clubs like Doncaster Rovers then frankly good riddance I say.

Lastly I would beg you to think of our young supporters, back from hols to Eton and Rugby, spare them derision in the tuck shop.  Let’s get behind our brave boys and our great manager Mr Graham.  Let this be a season to remember for the boys in red and white.  Let us once again finish higher than the filth.

Sincerely

Peter Hill-Wood Chairman

Ps I get the Red + White name now.  Sorry!

Paradise Lost?

“Did you play in the Garden of Eden?

Were the goalkeepers gloves to you tossed?

Because it seems to me, you’re the reason,

You’re the reason why Paradise Lost!”

                             - Paradise Lost – Half Man Half Biscuit

It seems like it was only yesterday that me and my mates were sat in the pub watching the Emirates Cup, bemoaning the lack of investment and arguing about Samir Nasri, where has the bloody season gone?  I suppose I’m getting to that age now that you start to mislay things, like keys, pens and football seasons, or is it the brain utilising some sort of coping mechanism.  You don’t really need those keys, someone will let you in.  Is what you need to write really that important?  Oh and by the way, Arsenal are still shit!

I first started to suspect things were going to go wrong when the 2011/12 kit was revealed.  There beneath the crest was boldly emblazoned the word “Forward”, what were we thinking?  Pedants will no doubt point out that we did go forward, we did move up from fourth to third, but is that the sum total of our ambition these days?  Are we destined to go from nondescript season to season hopefully catching a few crumbs from the top table?  No doubt people will point to the disastrous start to the season we had but, unless I’m missing something, the start of the season is still part of the season.  The season doesn’t wait for you start playing well before it starts!  I know, I know we had the summer of discontent and uncertainty, but surely there are people at the club employed to plan for this, (Gazidis yes I’m looking at you), and yes we had injuries, but all clubs have injuries its part of the game.  Its sport, weird shit happens!  We missed, in my opinion, our best player (Jack Wilshere) for a whole season, we played without any full backs, but on the other hand we got a whole season out of Robin van Persie and look what he achieved.  Its sport weird shit happens!

Depressingly we go into next season in a worse position than we went into last season, unless three crucial things happen.  Investment, divestment and better luck with injuries.  Let’s examine these one by one.

The current squad need significant reinforcement, not to mount a title challenge, but to maintain a top four finish next season.  The likes of Spurs, Liverpool etc will all strengthen their squads and we will have to do the same simply to maintain the status quo, the addition of Podolski is indeed welcome, but we would need the likes of M’Villa, Llorente etc just to keep 3^rd place, and that includes keeping van Persie!  Effectively we need another Sczezsny, another Vermaelen, another Wilshere and another RVP, a whole new secondary spine of the team equally as good as the primary one and even that wouldn’t guarantee us the Premiership!!  We’ve seen City spend close to a billion pounds to win it just once and they will have to spend again just to defend their crown, we are not in their league!

Arsenal have the 4^th highest wage bill in the league and yet we have a very rigid wage structure, how can this be?  Put simply we have too many passengers, our squad is too big, we have too many players out on loan, now I know we are investing for the future but there can be no room for sentiment here, we desperately need a cull, even if it costs us money in the short term.  There can be no more room for sentiment.  Underperforming and injury prone players need to be got rid of, sharpish!  We fans know who they are so I presume the club know as well.  Pay the higher achievers more and if you can’t cut it then ‘bye!!

Football today, is a 14 man game.  Your substitutes need to be impact players who can change a game from the moment they step on to the pitch.  Ideally you would need a sub of equal ability to cover every position but that is just too damn expensive.  Successive seasons have seen us have crucial players out injured with inadequate cover, now some of these injuries have been down to sheer bad luck, but the prolonged recovery times surely point to an arcane and traditionalist methodology, maybe we should be looking at Cryotechnology and other radical treatments that other sports like rugby have embraced.  That being said referees need to give the players more protection as well, how many times this season have we seen the opposition stop our counter attacks by kicking our players with impunity.  Oh yeah we also need luck!

In my opinion we need all three of the above to be implemented to have any hope of success next season.  Sadly we’ll fulfil one maybe two but definitely not all three, so realistically the best we can hope for is a good cup run, the Champions League or the FA Cup maybe, certainly not that other fecky competition, unless our kids win it for us!!

Football is immediate, and therefore it’s very hard to judge a whole season of it, you have to break it down into game size chunks to get a proper context.  So on that note thank you Arsenal for Chelsea away, Spurs at home, the second Milan game, the return of the King, van Persies volleys, Song’s assists, Arteta, Sagna’s header and the sheer Goonerness of our keeper.  I can’t wait for next season when we’ll win the treble!!

Anna Lvova

As I explained in the last interview with Chris from Germany, I find it particularly fascinating to find out how people from other countries ended up supporting the Arsenal.  Those of you that follow Anna on Twitter already know what a passionate and knowledgeable Gooner she is, but for those of you who don’t this paragraph from her piece for the Arsenal Collective (referenced in the first question) explains it better than I ever could;

“So here I am. Living thousands of kilometres away from North London. Putting on my red and white t-shirts on for matchdays. Singing Arsenal chants in front of my television. Gaining grey hair, fraying my nerves, going insane, jumping for joy, laughing, crying. Not many things in my life give me that rollercoaster of emotions! And you know what? I wouldn’t trade it for anything”

Why Arsenal?

http://www.thearsenalcollective.com/the-memory-bank/2011/10/21/from-russia-with-love.html I think this pretty much explains it!

I was on a plane going to Moscow from my honeymoon in summer 2000 and I bought a sports magazine to kill some time during my flight. There was a huge Arsene Wenger interview in it, which blew me away. The way he spoke about football in general and Arsenal in particular, it really moved me. I got home and made sure I sit down and watch an Arsenal game just to see what this team he talked about is. It was love at first sight.

Earliest Arsenal memory?

Cup Winners’ Cup semi-final of 1995 against Sampdoria. I was a student in Malta and I lived around the corner from a pub. The landlord was a huge Arsenal fan. The night of that game he made me pour myself my own drinks behind the bar and get my own cigarettes simply because he couldn’t get his eyes off the TV screen. I actually stayed on to watch the match with him and his pals even though I wasn’t planning to.

First game?

See the above question.

Favourite player (all time)?

Dennis Bergkamp and Robert Pires

Favourite player (current)?

Jack Wilshere

Highest point?

Invincibles season

Lowest point?

CL final 2006. Never rewatched that match ever again, And probably never will

Sign any 3 players?

M’Vila, Kagawa and Akinfeev

Sack any 3 players?

Almunia, Squilaci and Mannone

Highbury or the Emirates?

Emirates

You can follow Anna on Twitter @MadRuskiGunner.

Also can I just remind you that Andrew Allen is looking for your contributions to the Memory Bank on the Arsenal Collective, so if you’ve got a story to tell, avail of this chance to tell it to the Gooner community.

Chris from German Gunners!

Since I began this project the one aspect I’ve found fascinating is the varying reasons people began supporting the Arsenal in the first place.  Aside from the obvious reasons of geography and family tradition, there is the more tenuous sense of an identification with an ethos, an idea, whether it’s style of play or a sense of what the club represents, it’s an intangible thing that’s implied in the various answers.  It’s as fleeting as an idea, but what a powerful idea it is!  I find it oddly comforting to think that after a miserable away defeat to Stoke someone in a far off place is acutely sharing my pain!

Flying the Arsenal flag in Germany are the German Gunners and Chris, main man behind their 

excellent blog, joins me in the hot seat today

Why Arsenal?

That's a tough one right at the start. It's hard to explain why you support a team as passionately as you do I guess. As I'm from Germany and didn't grow up in the area it must be something different that attracts me. Of course the attacking football is always an argument but not the main one for me. Most important for me is that Arsenal is a club with principles. They just do it in style with a friendly and local touch to it while being a worldwide operating club. Know where your roots are and act based on them. I guess that's what fascinates me most.

Earliest Arsenal memory?

The earliest must be a Uefa cup group stage match against Gladbach in 1996. I saw it on TV at my grandma’s house. But the decisive moment, even if not the earliest was Arsenals match against Borussia Dortmund in the 2002/03 Champions League season. I'd been to the Westfalenstadion a lot that time as Dortmund is my local club and I still live nearby. Once I saw them play my passion for Arsenal hasn't stopped.

First game?

First game was the one in Dortmund. My first match in Highbury came slightly afterwards against Bolton in the unbeaten season. A 2:1 win with me sitting 6th row behind the goal. My dad and I bought the tickets from a sport event agency online and weren't sure if we would get the tickets until we checked in, to our London hotel, and the concierge gave us our tickets. Never been so nervous in my life before. That was also my first visit to London, with many more to follow.

Favourite player (all time)?

Must be Robert Pires with no doubt. He was doing the magic when I fell in love with Arsenal and he's an Arsenal legend for me. The way he ran towards goal flicked the ball into the lower corner, unbelievable.

Favourite player (current)?

Jack Wilshere. He's Arsenal through and through. He feels the same way as we fans do about the club. He won't give up on Arsenal no matter what. Besides he's a quality player.

Highest point?

First match in Highbury against Bolton. It’s not about the result or the opponent. It's about the memories I have when I look back. To be at the clubs ground for the first time, to absorb the atmosphere in and outside the stadium will be the moment I will never forget in my life, and always remember when I step out of Arsenal station.

Lowest point?

Champions League final loss. Still devastated.

Sign any three players?

Götze, Messi, Sven Bender. All midfielders but I just admire those three. Götze is the next big thing in Germany and Europe I think. Would be great to have him in our team. He can cut a defence into pieces in a heartbeat. Messi is obvious. Bender probably isn't on every ones shopping cart. He's Dortmund’s defensive soul in midfield. High work rate with a killer pass if needed.

 

Sack any three players?

Almunia,Squillaci,Denilson. All three to be sacked for real this summer I guess. 

Highbury or the Emirates?

Wow that's hard to decide. Highbury was special as I have been to my first Arsenal home match there. It also had the certain feeling you expect from a football ground in England. Close to the pitch, located right in the neigbours backyard and stuff. But I must say I do like the Emirates a lot. It's getting Arsenalised more and more and it's a really beautiful stadium. As most of the games I have been to have been at the Emirates I'll go with the Emirates, although it's a tough one!

.

You can follow Chris on Twitter @Germangunners and don’t forget to check out the blog German Gunners.

Tom Acres

A busy week on here and we start with the inimitable Tom Acres.  I’ve been following Tom on Twitter for ages and he is one of the most intelligent and erudite Gooners out there.  Some of you may know him as part of the team that brought us the Optimistic Gooner podcasts but our great club, being what it is, has sucked all the optimism out of them and they’re now reincarnated as the Arsing Around podcast!  Nevertheless they continue to bring us all the latest news, gossip and opinion with the same intelligence and humour that is their forte.  Anyway enough out of me and on with the serious bit...

Why Arsenal?

My dad grew up pretty much down the road from Highbury and went to every home game, with his dad and his brother, so Arsenal has been rather rooted in the family. I just picked up from there really, even though my dad hadn’t been able to go to games as regularly since he got married I would probably have still been disowned if I had chosen another team! But even without the family ties I was quite easily attracted to Arsenal; the shirt, the stadium, Dennis Bergkamp, loved it all.

Earliest Arsenal memory?

Well I first remember getting into football properly for the 1998 World Cup, when I was 5, and my first Arsenal memory was Tony Adams lifting silverware at Wembley, I’m just not sure if it was the FA Cup or the Community Shield!

First game?

I know I was taken to a game when I was 5 or 6 but I can’t remember it off the top of my head, but the earliest game I have memory of going to was against Ipswich at Highbury in I think 2000, perhaps 2001. I distinctly recall Richard Wright playing against us and having a bit of a stormer, and I’m fairly sure Dennis Bergkamp scored. I think the final score was 2-0 Arsenal.

Favourite player (all time)?

It’s got to be Bergkamp; he was the name on the back of my first shirt and I loved the number 10, but even at a young age I could recognise what an awesome player he was. It’s difficult to single out one player considering I grew up during an era in which Arsenal were winning trophy after trophy and had so many quality players, but Bergkamp always stood out. Even though I often think I didn’t appreciate the great players as much as I should have when I look back now, I always remember stressing out about Bergkamp’s contract situation and quizzing my dad as to why we would only ever offer him a 1 year deal! Fantastic player, wish we could’ve seen him at the Emirates a bit more!

Favourite player (current)?

I try and avoid the obvious choices even though until last season it had been Fabregas. This season I would have to go with Laurent Koscielny and Mikel Arteta. I love Koscielny as a player, and part of the appeal I think comes from the fact that most neutrals, pundits and journalists still associate him with the Carling Cup gaffe and think he’s rubbish. He just goes about his defending so efficiently and effectively, and I think he’s probably the best defender at the club. Arteta has just held the midfield together this year, and again I think he’s unappreciated and undervalued by many. Keeps us ticking, seems like a real top bloke as well and has scored some cracking goals. Love the hair, too!

Highest point?

Although I don’t think I appreciated it or understood the significance of it as much as I should have at the time, I would have to go with the Invincibles. If I was picking an individual moment then things like Arshavin vs Barcelona, Sol in the Champions League Final, Lehmann’s penalty save in the semi-final and Henry’s solo goal against Spurs would be clear choices for me, but it’s difficult to imagine a higher point that Arsenal have been at since I’ve been following, them than an unbeaten title winning season!

Lowest point?

Champions League Final, by far. It is to this day the only time I’ve cried watching football, and also the only time I’ve seen my dad shed a tear full stop! There have been family bereavements and the Champions League Final remains the only time I’ve seen my dad cry. Once again I don’t think I appreciated the journey we went on to reach the final, but when we lost it I was gutted. Just thinking about it now, especially seeing as we’ve got nowhere near close to winning it since, makes me want to have a little cry to myself!

Sign any 3 players?

Tough one, if we’re talking fantasy football then you’d have to go with people like Messi and Ronaldo! Realistically speaking I think M’Vila seems like someone who would fit in really well, especially considering Song’s development into a more attacking player has contributed to our poor defensive record this season. I’m really happy with Podolski but wouldn’t begrudge another striker coming in, difficult to put a name on it, though. I love Shinji Kagawa and Mario Goetze at Dortmund, and do think we could’ve done with a better creative midfielder this season, but then I think that man is probably going to be Jack Wilshere!

Sack any 3 players?

It seems a bit pointless to list players that we all know will probably be going like Almunia, Denilson and Squillaci, but I suppose they’re obvious choices for a reason! We certainly have a lot of deadwood to clear out.

Highbury or the Emirates?

All the fantastic memories and trophies from when I was about 5 up until the age of 14 come from Highbury, but most of the games I’ve been to have been Emirates and Arsenal’s record when I’ve been there is pretty great! I think it’s a fantastic stadium, and it’s filling up every season with some great memories, we just need a trophy presentation or two for it to really feel like home. Emirates Cup doesn’t count!

Good stuff Tom and don’t forget you can follow him on Twitter @dartfordgooner or Arsing Around @ArsingAround.