Wake up Big Sam the Matrix has You!

Brrrrrrrh...click....

> Hello!
> Hello Sam.
> Its fookin 4 am this better not be a championship team.
> Sam, you know who this is, don't you?
> Morpheus?
> Yes. I know you've been looking for me but I've spent my entire life looking for you. You see Sam you are the One!!
> I fookin knew it!!
> Outside in 10 minutes.
> Ok! I'll be there Mr Morpheus.

Interior of car..Sam pulls up his shirt revealing corpulent white belly..

> Don't you want to check me for bugs luv?
> Er no thanks!
> Oh well, suit yourself. Did I ever tell you about the time I won the Irish 1st Division with Limerick....?

Some time later Sam is ushered into Morpheus's presence, the great man is standing in the middle the of room, cool in long black leather coat and those weird clip on shades.

> Mr Morpheus why do you fold your arms behind your back like that?
> What?
> Well most people fold their arms in front of them!!
> Look never mind that now, do you know why you're here?
> Yes I want answers!!
> Do you really Sam! Or are you here because of the question? You see it's always there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. You know what the question is, don't you Sam!
> Yes. Why didn't I get the England job?
> Er no..
> Why doesn't the long ball work?
> No! Try again.
> Oh yeah! What is the Matrix?
> The Matrix is all about control.
> Ball control, thats for pansies!!
> No Sam, you see your whole world, your reality is a lie. In this world you are a vastly underrated manager in charge of piddling little teams. Whereas in the real world you are the hugely successful manager of Barcelona. You have won 8 La Liga titles and 6 Champions leagues.
> See, I fookin knew it? I am a Legend!
> Indeed. So Sam time to make a choice. Take the blue pill and you wake up in bed. Take the red pill and we'll see how deep the rabbitt hole goes, and you fulfill your destiny.
> Gimme!!

Sam wakes up ...

> What a weird dream...Wait a minute...Fook it I was supposed to take the Red pill.....Bollocks!!