Adrian Durham > ...aaand good afternoon and welcome to TalkSport Drive and today we’re talking particle physics, yes, up, down, strange, fuzzy, quarks, neutrinos and above all the elusive so called God particle, the Higgs Boson...has Wenger lost the plot?
< stupid music jingle plays>
Darren Gough > Yes, are them blokes that are out foreign, doin’ the right thing that they do do...in finding that thing?
AD > Einstein once claimed that Quantum Theory would never be reconciled with Cosmology because God does not play dice with the Universe, so how can Arsenal fans continue to support Wenger when he is stuck in the past and keeps on stubbornly sticking to E=Mc2, he needs to go and go now, Arsenal fans give us a call...
DG > You’re talking rubbish Ade, Einstein was around in what? Like, the 60’s or summat, he has no idea of the formulas they have now..
AD > Like what?
DG > Well, like, say the 4-3-3!
AD > 4-3-3?
DG > Yeah, E= 4-3-3, that’s the modern way, not that Mc Hammer bollocks!
AD > You’re the one talking rubbish, Goughie, anyway to the phones and Professor Brian Cox is on the line, what’s your point Brian?
PBC > I..
AD > Yes. Come on Brian, make your point.
PBC > Well, the..
AD > I don’t see how you can say that Arsene Wenger has a proper grasp of physics at the Quantum level, surely the Higgs Boson is purely theoretical at best. Top 4 finish I don’t think so..
PBC > Well, our research suggests...
AD > Research! Research, you’re mugging yourself right off there Doc!
DG > No, you’re muggin’ yourself off Ade.
AD > And you’re muggin’ yourself off an’ all!
DG > No, you are..
AD > You are..
DG > No, you are...
< 30 minutes later>
DG > Right off!
AD > On a serious note, we know that proving the existence of the Higgs Boson will be one of the major events in modern Physics, it’s not called the God particle for nothing and proof of its existence at the Big Bang would go a long way to explain why mass binds itself together when the maths seem to say it doesn’t. To that end we have Professor Jim Alkhalili on the line...Hello Jim, time for Wenger to step down?
PJA > What?
AD > C’mon Jim, you’re a clever bloke, answer the question..
PJA > Well, the structure of the atom suggests...
AD > Atoms, atoms, everything with you is atoms, stick to the point..
PJA > Research at CERN points to..
DG > Sorry Jim, Jim can I just ask you when the Large Hadrian’s Wall Collider will be up and running, and when will Arsenal start to see some results?
PJA > .....You’re both idiots! < Hangs up >
AD > Well, Goughy you obviously hit a nerve there, typical Arsenal fan doesn’t want to hear the truth.
DG > A mystery of the Universe Ade?
AD > Indeed Darren, it begs the question, what do we want, all of us, fans, players, management, the TV companies. An answer to the fundamental questions, where did we come from? What is our purpose? What will the end of the Universe look like? Its only through finding Higgs that we may be able to answer these questions, it’s only by fully understanding the past that we’ll be able to fully understand our future. These are questions that we want Physics to answer.
DG > Yes Ade, and how did Arsenal let it come to this?
AD > What?
DG > Well they let Fabregas go, they let Clichy and Nasri go, but they got money for them, why did they let Higgs go for nothing?
AD > What are you on about you pillock?
DG > The Higgs Bosman, Ade, the Higgs Bosman!
AD > Oh God!.....Anyway that’s the programme for today, tune in tomorrow when we’ll be talking Black holes, worm holes, nebulae, can we really bend time and why are Tottenham still shit? Bye.
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