“There must be some way out of here, said the joker to the thief, there’s too much confusion, I can’t get no relief”. Great song that. The Jimmy Hendrix version obviously, not Dylan’s. Kind of dispels the myth, that the original is always better than the imitation. See the message is totally different from version to version. Hendrix has a more anthemic feel, while Dylan, wait, the Boss wants to know if I’m warm enough. I give him the thumbs up...quite comfortable Boss! Oooh! He wants me to warm up, better get going, he looks quite cross!
Now, how does this go again? Ah yes stretch a bit while pretending to watch the match, a bit of a light jog, why do they have to make the edge of the pitch so slanty? Must ask the groundskeeper next time. I enjoy my little chats with him, he keeps a bottle of whiskey in his office you know. Sometimes I get my days mixed up and come to the Emirates instead of London Colney, in fact one time I came to the Emirates when we were playing away, I asked the groundskeeper could I go on the pitch and have a kick about, he said that Wenger had left strict instructions that under no circumstances was I allowed to set foot on the pitch. I pointed out that, it only applied when there was a game on! I’m not doing that high stepping, swivelling the hips and arms thing, that just looks stupid. Hey, I’m going on.
Bastard tracksuit bottoms, there has to be an easier way. What about those trousers that male strippers wear? You know the Velcro jobs you can just rip off in one movement. I’ve often wondered when strippers get down to their undercrackers, and then whip them off, does the money go all over the place? Is there then etiquette for picking it up? Do they wait until the routine is over? I presume they must pick the money up while facing the audience, otherwise they get a full view of the old back passage! Do they have to do a training course? Yes I am listening to you Pat....support Robin......track back....get in the box...blah blah blah! ....................... I’m fucking freezing!!
And I’m on. Crap! We’re playing those Red and White stripey bastards, and yes, the square headed fucker, who’s always trying to kill me, is playing.....great! Think I’ll go stand over there for a while.
Mr Tambourine Man, now that’s a conundrum. I love the Byrds version, but also love Dylan’s version (although a trifle long), think I’ll call that one a draw....Oooh the ball!....shite, offside!
I do love Bowie, but “Pin Ups” really? It’s all cover versions, and obscure ones at that....nice tackle Gibbsie, careful you don’t get “injured”! Jesus! They’re so soft, I never get injured. Quick throw the ball to the new guy, he’s totally free, throw it now. Oh for fuck sake, don’t throw it to me, what am I supposed to do? Time for the old crafty back heel methinks, he’ll never read that!!
Well that didn’t work, should I run after him, I think I’ll run after him.....yes, great tackle new guy!!
I must go and introduce myself to the new guy. I mean he can’t be as grumpy as the big German! Hee hee, you should hear him trying to pronounce “bicycle”. Hilarious.
Huh, another miserable grumpy bastard, and again with the “get in the box”, do they think I’m a magicians assistant or something?.......Ball.....Offside.....Bollocks!
See, the trouble with this club, its all cliques. For example, start of the season, loads of new guys, Jack Wilsheres FIFA night, everybody in. My “Frank Zappa – Joes Garage” re-enactment night, nobody!! “Bartender, I’ll have a Pina Colada with milk. Second thoughts, better make that a water, H-T-O”. Classic..........Ball...........No Fucking Flag!!
Ok, Marouane, head down, do not look up under any circumstances, just keep going. Square headed man....square headed man............man down!!
Ow ow ow o wow!! Jesus that hurt. Yes, book him Ref, have that you big square headed, caveman bastard. Hello physio man. I’m fine, honestly, I’m ok, don’t spray that shit on me...ack...Straight in my face. My face isn’t injured for fuck sake! I expect I’ll be subbed off now, Hello, Hello, bench totally ignoring me. Hang on, I am a sub!!
Have to go and defend a corner now, I hate this crap!
Instructions from Woj, concentrate etc, defend your zone, blah blah! Honestly I am not a child!!
Actually, who remembers the original of “Sorrow”, it is a great Bowie song from Pin Ups, yet no one remembers the original by the Merseys, or is it just me? Oh good goal, overhead kick!!
Shout at me all you want you lanky German bastard. Its pronounced BICYCLE, and FYI an eye doctor is not called an “optimist”, wanker.
Final whistle, thank Christ! Yeah well played mate, but I don’t want your sweaty shirt!
Wonder what the score was!!