> Greetings and be well. This is Sky Sports News in Quantum Definition and welcome to our end of season review. We're delighted to be joined by ex Deimos manager Giuseppe Bacci..
> Greetings and be well.
> MK I Football unit Johnny Click..
> Greetings and be well.
> And Paul Mersons head in a jar.
> All right lads!
> We'll start with you Giuseppe, because of the Martian connection. With Phobos winning the title and Deimos finishing as runners up, how much do you think the Martian derbies had an effect on this years title chase?
> Well, obviously they are going to be hard fought games given the fan base of Deimos with its mine workers, and Phobos with their more middle class support, but I think both teams had a strategy over the season to maximize the advantages over the earth bound teams...
> Huh! Advantages..
> Paul Mersons head in a jar, you disagree?
> Yes I bloody do. They're obviously flaunting the rules by training at Martian low gravity, the dog on the street knows it, still the FA do nothing..
> Everythings gravity with you..
> Listen mate I've been in the game a lot longer than you, I've seen all the strokes you Martians pull.
> I am 164 years old and have never seen any gravity cheating by any of our Martian teams..
> I'm flippin' over a thousand years old you little..
> Yeah! But you are just a head, a part of your body you never used during your playing years ironically..
> Now now chaps, Johnny Click, your opinion?
> Yeah right! Lets ask the flippin' washing machine shall we..
> Hey, click, thats machinism!!
> Please everybody can we get back to the matter in hand? Johnny Click, what do you think of the new MK VI 'Indestructible' football units the teams have employed this season?
> Well, Jeff, its click obviously the next generation in the evolution of football. These new MK IV units are indeed click indestructible, and have an encyclopedic knowledge of the game. And even though click the rules limit teams to 2 units per season, they are the future of the game.
> And how do you respond to allegations that City of Manchester United used their units to effectively cheat in the Premiership this season?
> Well click they may have bent the rules slightly but..
> Come on now Johnny Click, the tactic of making your units accelerate to near light speed near the end of games when you need a last minute goal..
> I click dont know what you're implying..
> I mean slowing down time until you score..
> And they have the cheek to accuse us Martians of gravity cheating!
> Excuse me Giuseppe, I click never accused you of cheating..
> Ok, moving on, Paul Mersons head in a jar, what about North London Arsenals season, 3rd place will the fans be happy with that?
> Well I suppose it was a reasonable season for us, I still think we need a goalkeeper and a decent centre half to just push on, and of course the incidents at Stokeingham Rovers in December didn't help.
> Ah yes when your two MK IV units collided and blew up!
> And what of Tottenham Hotspur Moon Base Epsilon?
> Well, mid table and I have to say building a 60,000 seat stadium on the Moon that has only a population of 5,000 looks as ill advised as the Madrid air disaster when Peter Crouch 'had a go' at flying the plane.
> How click long is it now since they won the top flight?
> One thousand and fifty years Johnny.
> Yes, the fans are getting impatient!
> Speaking of impatience Giuseppe, Liverpool, yet another change of ownership, runners up in the FA cup to Glasgow City?
> Well Jeff it goes to show that a computer can't run a football club, even if it is programmed with Shankly X2 software, its still only a machine.
> click There you go again..
> Well unfortunately we've run out of time folks. Do stay tuned to Sky Sports News in Quantum Definition, coming up next Inter-galactic Anti-Grav Hockey with Jimmy Hill..until next time goodnight!
> Anyone fancy a pint?
> Oooh! click can I come?
> Course you can mate, you can carry me head!!